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About Me Premium Member Art Student Crystal Meth18/Female/Canada Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
5 Month Premium Membership:
Given by *motionlessSndtrk
Statistics 440 Deviations
7,564 Comments
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I wanted the everyday reassurance of being mutilated. The way a crippled deformed birth-defected disfigured girl can drive her car with the windows open and not care how the wind makes her hair look, that’s the kind of freedom I was after.

I was tired of staying a lower life form just because of my looks. Trading on them. Cheating. Never getting anything real accomplished, but getting the attention and recognition anyway. Trapped in a beauty ghetto is how I felt. Stereotyped. Robbed of my motivation.

In this way, Shane, we are very much brother and sister. This is the biggest mistake I could think would save me. I wanted to give up the idea that I had any control Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone.

Kansas, Hold Me Close

Journal Entry: Wed Jul 1, 2009, 11:43 PM






the journal



fatpanda

I just wasted 10 seconds of your life.
:aww:

--------------------------------------------

How's everyone doing?
Good?
Good.

Oh come on, I know you're not good,
No one ever is.

Personally, I'm content for the time being.
I'm turning the big one-niner tomorrow.
So far, my only plans are Brandy Alexanders with my Brandy Alexander.
:aww:
I couldn't be more excited hehe
As for getting piss-loaded drunk, I do believe I'll be passing.
I'm not all that much of a drinker.
And I like who I am when I'm sober now.
I like having a clear head with which to think with.
I like being able to form more than one coherent sentence in a week.
Then again, maybe I'm a loser,baby.

As for plans for the future,
I think I'm taking the next year off.
Now, before you jump the gun like everyone else; shooting me in the head with "you should go to school." and "you've got too much potential.", trust me when I say I'm not ready to rush into that just yet.
At least not rushing into $4000 for a math upgrade.
Good luck!
Until then, I'm trying out for an internship with the Canadian Food Inspection Agency ; paying 800 biweekly & giving me the skills I need to make it in this world, I'd say.
And if that doesn't pan out, I've got Murph's for the next year & a hell of a lot of questions to find answers to.
I'm just glad I've got that.

In the physical sense of Mandoire,
I'm dying dying dying for a change.
New hair, new piercing, new tattoo, anything.
So I do believe Sam & I are dying our hair soon ; she's going vibrant, sexual green & I'm going to decide in transition I suppose. aha
Next piercing? Not sure as of yet, until then, I'm stretching dear septy (: ; the lovely hole is at 10g now & proud as hell to be. aha
Next tattoo? [link] , I do believe. Isn't he a doll?

As for artistic outlets, I still haven't gotten the chance to edit many shots.
In the meantime, I've been sketching & writing more than I usually can.
And its wonderful
:aww:
I'll get some of it up soon, I swear.
My Writings in the meantime.

Mmm.
Meantime.
O V E R U S E D

OH!
And jesus, how could I forget?
I recently graduated high school! (:
I had the absolute fucking best time of my entire life.
The emotion, the experience, finally doing.. every aspect of it was sheerly perfect.
My favorite part was still dancing with my mom during the parent dance;
I've never cried with such true tears in my life. (:
I love my mom
:heart:
and my family, and my friends, and man, everyone who made Grad perfect!
and my god, everyone who helped me get this far.
unbelievable.
just unbelievable.
I'll never, so long as I live, forget those two nights.
x o x o x o x o

2009
Amanda, Christina, Christina, Amanda

finally
Cap & Gown (:

snel
Snelly & me <3

09
Play me a song, Miss Robinson!

josh
Dancing with the "little" brother

mom
Mama & me, lost in tears haha

streamers
Decorations

mom&me
Mom & me, before Safe Grad :aww:

dooleys
still being a loser at Dooley's

lellow
Lellow & me at the bar haha


Okay, I've got to go before this gets too long haha
G'night, everyone!
&& Keep the Faith, Bugalugs!
:heart: xoxoxoxo




features

The Louvre


We'll Take The Long Way Home
(because that way I can keep you longer)


Different
(because I don't think I am anymore)


nude
(because I'm finally becoming comfortable to be)


Ecstasy
(because I feel so happy and true during those weeks)


Wait Weight, Don't Tell Me
(because 97lbs is actually a little scary)


vintage tattoo
(because I hope they'll make me beautiful)


Wed. 10AM: How the TV Sees Us
(because t-shirt or no t-shirt, I know. and so do you (: )





artist feature



Highly Deserved. (:
:star:~everythingsmagic77:star:


Blind


Miserable At Best


Freckled Skin


Written on the sky


Look Above


There is Truth Behind My Eyes

-----:heart:-----


life

friends

:iconpainterschoice: :iconwhatyoumeantome: :iconchickenbaibeex: :iconshaylyn: :iconmotionlesssndtrk: :iconbreakage-black: :iconm-c-r101: :icondisenchanted027: :iconthetivster: :iconwolfgoddess-x: :iconxloserattack: :iconmemoryq: :iconsry17: :iconpirate-queen: :iconx-camerawhore-x: :iconlaura-xx: :iconxkathrynn: :iconredhairbrowneyes: :iconpoeticmuse: :iconfreakygreeneyez: :iconninestardust: :iconloved-bear-zombie: :iconxx-bones-shatter: :iconm-stew: :icontokiochik: :iconsmoothope: :iconjack22: :iconnyappymiku: :iconxpinktuxstock: :iconrgoulding89: :iconemma-jen: :iconcausticscream: :iconmelvile: :iconinjustice-shall-fall: :iconxcutherex: :iconpunk-lives-on: :iconravierpunk: :iconchristinablanchard: :iconeverythingsmagic77: :iconperfectprettylies: :iconlikeastone9:

clubs


:iconiphotograph:

:iconlet-it-di: :iconmodel-canada: :iconartheartart: :iconindiephotographyclub: :iconbcome-seen: :icondeviantartsecret: :iconmacro-club: :iconredhairclub: :iconhairdyefreaks: :iconpostsecrets: :iconpoeticphoto: :iconun-invisible: :iconchaineyfans: :icongemfoobobclub: :icononewordphoto: :iconconceptual-photos: :iconyouthphotographers: :iconitdoesnothaveme:




  • Mood: Eager
  • Listening to: "Running Up That Hill" - Placebo
  • Reading: Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
  • Watching: A Mad TV Clip in Comm Tech Class
  • Playing: With my new blackline lip rings
  • Eating: Pizza, soon,
  • Drinking: Water, soon. (exciting)

Devious Info

  • Interests: Body Modification, Photography, Pokemon & The Supernatural
  • Favourite movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • Favourite band or musician: Kings of Leon, Regina Spektor and Iron & Wine
  • Favourite artist: Deanna Stroud & Kurt Halsey
  • Favourite poet or writer: Angela Flowers
  • Favourite photographer: Rooze
  • Favourite game: Pokemon Snap
  • Favourite cartoon character: Charmander
  • Personal Quote: I don't know if you'll happen again.
  • Tools of the Trade: My Panasonic Lumix

Comments


Thank you so much.
:iconballoonplz:

--
Yağmur yağsa da denizi taşıramaz, denizler ne kadar buharlaşsa da kaybolmaz; ama deniz her canlıya gerektiğinde huzur, gerektiğinde korku verir.
Thanks so much for the :+fav: on "A Tangled Web ...". And you have one of the most interesting pages I've seen in a long time. :hug:

--
Craig
Thank you, Amanda :-)
:icontransparentplz::icontransparentplz::icontransparentplz::icontransparentplz::icontransparentplz::iconyaysupplz: :icontransparentplz:
:icontransparentplz: :icontransparentplz: :iconeufrosis: :iconyaysupplz: Thank You!!! :iconyaysupplz: :iconeufrosis:

--
:halfliquid: i'm from POLAND ! :]
--
:bulletgreen: feel free to fav & watch me :*
:bulletred: gallery: [link]
:bulletblue: news: [link]
thanks for the :+fav: dear

--
ink :heart:

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